"I have this power to overcome."

Confidence
A.M. Young, age 22
Jenkintown, PA

Lonely and abrupt
I sit waiting for the corrupt
The one to take me away
From the simplicities of my day
To complicate things

To manipulate my mind
I climb and I climb.
Out of this depression
I have this lingering confession
That this will be different

I will be no more
From what I was before
Like a flower
I will conquer with a shower
To cleanse my soul

That clean embrace
From my mother’s face
I have this power to overcome
All these things that I have committed and done
That will haunt my thoughts

But won’t bring me down
I no longer hide like a clown
I am a bird, free
I am myself; I am here and I am me

Funny little thing confidence

At last, new poems!

Sorry, folks. It's been a really long time. But here are several new posts for YMMFLA! Check them out. Post comments about what you think. Send in your own work!

Anonymous.
[break her down]

Like a flower in the sky, I fall gently, creating disturbance beneath me and natural disaster across the seas. I take my place on the stone ledge, fixing my eyes on the edge, begging some part of me not to go through with it, all the while knowing I won’t do it. I witness fear enter in, starting to call revenge my closest friend, daring the eyes to see all they have done. I pinch myself, this is no dream, catch a deep breath, finding in me, searching deeper for more meaning – nothing. Getting closer, feet are trembling, my heart keeps beating; now its racing, somehow being torn between, never knowing if it is worth it to stay alive. I hold my head above the water, those who follow, somehow stronger; though they stumble they find footing absent from my own. No one sees me, the sun betrays me, I jump into the black beneath leaving behind my last words and a final goodbye - not even a shadow. I am beauty, see me falling? Catch me.


Latoya Brathwaite, Age 18. Barbados.
Suicide

I smashed the mirror on my bathroom wall
And watched my reflection shatter
Depressed, sad, ugly girl...she was gone
The memories, the revolting pain, it all ceased to matter
I smeared on some makeup
I dyed my hair red
And that night...that night,I left her behind
Lost within the sharp shards of glass, her face, once was mine

My words dripped with forged bouts of happiness,
Sentences punctuated with the whitest "Oh-emm-gee"
Ten, eleven, twelve...ficticious tales of a wild, exciting life
I laughed until I cried, I cried on the inside, inevitably
I signed on to Facebook
I added my new "friends"
And when in pain I told myself, she would fade after a while
So I drowned her out in sleeping pills and bullied my mouth to smile

The moon hid behind the cloud, the crickets screamed
The night I lost my virginity
When it was over, he pushed me off the bed and laughed when I started to cry
Where were my friends
I felt ugly again
Depressed
Lonely
In my hand, the butcher knife gleamed
Before I could carve a line on my wrist...I saw her reflection
The knife distorted the image but I recognised her
Clarity replaced insanity...the wrongs I did to her,came flooding back to me

I made her overdose on the wild life
Evertime I pretended to be like them, the noose tightened around her neck
I stabbed her in the heart when I gave away my innocence
Clarity.
Her reflection would always be mine
When the knife slid from my hand...I realised, I had already murdered
Me.


Joshua Diehl, age 18. Denton, Texas.
Concerning Inadequacy

Inspiration,

How you torture me as a flipping switch
Turning swiftly, repeatedly, from marriage to suicide
Between art and happiness, I cannot decide
But sorrow never seems to kick me into the ditch

My heartstrings have become sanguinary
But this could never be a fault of yours
Lord, I do not think this has been a dream of sorts
Although I am not certain of anything, anymore

No longer shaped like a cradle, both hands on the rusting rail,
Barely shuffling up perished steps
I forgot to take the time to reconstruct a liar’s bed
No wonder I come home only to the coffee she left

Time will spread her wings and fly
If you let her stare too long into the sky
I do not think your love will fix everything
But God, how I would quite love to try


A.M. Young, age 22. Jenkintown, PA.
Molestation

Binds me to the past, like a pair of steel clasped hand cuffs
Tightened to my wrists, I feel them squeezing the blood
Blood that should be flowing from my hands to my heart

My heart beats rapidly as I am linked to the past barely surviving
Laughing at the notion of thriving ever even considered
Soulless it seems from the lies of the deep abyss

Light indigo lines ran rapid in the child’s eyes
Or were they dark like the color of the soil
Forgotten now the simple description of the doer

Look what ignorance has done to the Molested
Ignorance of the molested and the doer
Ignorance of the guardian, the watcher, the closeness

Binds me to the past, like a shackle of a slave
Crippled I am soul, body, and mind
My innocence forced out

Driven out of the soul like a whipped, beaten horse
A stallion beautiful once, but now a simple ass
Loaded with the stress of a strain not its fault

HA! Says the molested, HE! Says the ass
I am wounded, forgotten, overlooked
I am bound to this past, the emotion of a tumultuous storm

The storm rages on and pours down over my body
Cleans dear lord of all my oppression
“Blessed are they who mourn,

For they will be comforted”
I can only pray
The binding of the my soul to the molested


Anonymous.
Little Word

If I were going to write you
it would only be one word—
hi.
I’d print it so small
that it would be barely
visible, just a whisper
of lead on paper
saying
I am still here.

"The knowledge that I’m not alone helped me find balance."

Amber McLain, age 18. Michigan

Panic rises and grips my throat, my heart. I feel like death has his arms around me, waiting for just the right moment to move his hands around my neck. I can’t do this. I can’t do this. Why does no one understand that? Can no one understand what’s going on? I’m too shy to ask for help, but is it really not obvious? Mom, dad, sisters one, two and three – do you not see how much I’m suffering? No one understands, until…a book. A book gives me hope. Many books, actually. They help me realize that what’s wrong isn’t that I’m crazy; what’s wrong is that I’m depressed; I might very well have panic disorder. This is oddly calming; just knowing that I am not alone in this struggle helps. I don’t feel as bad, don’t feel the need to hide, don’t self-medicate. The knowledge that I’m not alone helped me find balance.

Ned Vizzini and It's Kind of a Funny Story

I am so excited to be posting this next submission. It's from friend and fellow young adult author, Ned Vizzini. His most recent novel, It's Kind of a Funny Story, was adapted as a film and hits theaters across the country TOMORROW (10/8/10)!

Read more about the film and its outstanding cast here. And more about Ned and his infinite awesomeness here. Finally, Ned and I will be doing a reading together on 10/26/10 at Barnes & Noble in Park Slope, Brooklyn at 7pm.

Ned Vizzini, age 29. Los Angeles, CA.

"When I went into a psychiatric hospital for a week-long stay for depression and 'suicidal ideation' in November 2004, I found myself with a lot of time on my hands. Although I'm a writer by profession I decided to try and do abstract art. I limited my color palette and tried to just make pleasing shapes with Cray-Pas on paper. The goal was to see the colors blend well and to bring motion to the composition. I ended up really liking these drawings, and I used the art-therapy angle when I made the main character of my subsequent novel It's Kind of a Funny Story draw 'brain maps' during his own hospital stay. In a real way, these are the drawings that inspired the brain maps."

My first novel comes out in Oct!

To celebrate the 10/1 launch of my first novel, You Are Not Here, I am going to write 10 new blog posts in the next 30 days. Check them out starting 9/1.

Among other things, they'll be about my writing process, inspiration, and my favorite: behind the scenes photos of the real places the book is based on.

More to come soon!

Pre-order here.

"The tears flow but they do not over power me this time."

Cathy R., age 34. Brooklyn, NY

I am trying to make life simple again.
The panic is constantly taunting me.
Threatening to show itself to company.
This feeling is unbearable.

I haven't felt this way since I was 16, and then 22,
and then now,
and all of the times in between that I blamed it on life being difficult.
Circumstances forever changing. Relationships ending.
The day to day tasks and obligations that others seem to navigate,
but make me freeze.

The walking in circles.
Back tracking my steps.
Misplacing things.
Forgetting details as soon as I allow my mind to wander.
Trying to figure out why I am here and not there.
The constant worrying.
Is just time consuming.

My chest feels like it's going to cave in.
My stomach in knots.
The comfort of having water close by at all times soothes me.
And antacids in my bag.
And the ability to phone a friend.

It is difficult to grasp because the highs are so high.
And the lows are terrifying.

I am unsure if I should go on medication.
Psychiatrist thinks I should.
Therapist thinks there are other ways.
I just want to be uncomplicated.

Do I really need them?

I function, I create, I am a friend, a daughter, a coworker, I get through my days.
I also cry, panic, hoard, have rituals, and I am afraid.
It's all very confusing.

Everything is sitting on the surface and I feel naked and exposed.

When I'm not productive,
it makes me feel invisible.
I am wrapped with guilt.

All I hear is my head telling me that I'm not good enough,
Not strong enough,
Not talented enough to make this life.
And though I know different,
It makes everything black and makes me grip onto nothingness as if it defines me.

This weeks challenge is allowing the emotions to happen as they come,
instead of suppressing them until I cannot breathe.
The tears flow but they do not over power me this time.

It was not always like this.
This will pass, again.
It has to.

"Am I caged or am I free?"

Leigh, age 36. Australia.

Leigh's Lament

My life flashed before my eyes
I was taken by surprise
So much has led me here
All the pain and all the fear

I’ve been down and I’ve been out
I have had no voice to shout
I’ve been cut and I’ve been torn
I have wept and I have mourned

I have begged and I have borrowed
I have hated all tomorrows
I have wallowed in the dark
I have grappled with the spark

But I am wise and I am strong
And I can push forever on
For courageous is my will
Though my insides seep and spill

I climb the wall that is myself
To sit upon the shelf
And peer into the crowd
Beneath their hazy shroud

Is that me I see beneath?
Will this knowing I bequeath?
To the girl I used to be
Will I tell her what I see?

If I do, will I be false?
Will I eradicate the choice?
That led you here to me
Am I caged or am I free?

"Where hope grows."

Sarah Plumb, age 31. Ontario, Canada.

My brain is chaotic...it never stops...it chatters incessantly...lying to me. I need peace but I'm often on the edge of insanity..SCREAM, CRY, LAUGH like mad. I know I'm in here somewhere but I'm lost in a sea of sadness, obsession and compulsion. Where did it all start?
I see a tiny soul, fresh, new and bewildered by her surroundings. Danger, rushing, fear, cries. Her mother disappears...little soul didn't get to touch her. She was floating in a peaceful ocean then ripped out and damaged. Fear, FEAR rules her life now. Even sleep no longer calms. Such fear, of abandonment, loss, even fear of fear. It's all consuming. Such a change from ocean to sea--nightmares, no peace.

Then finally a light--a hot pink ray of hope. She can't always see it but it's there...always waiting to be freed. It's her natural, pure state. So close yet sometimes so far. So much ground covered but so much more yet to be travelled. The hot pink hope will find her...or is it she that uncovers that hope? There's so much unexplored but life gets in the way. Life is exhausting...too much. She needs balance. The edge can reveal beautiful scenic views. Maybe the edge of sanity and insanity IS the balance. Maybe it's where hope grows.

"Feeling like i can break free."

Priscilla Hennen, age 27. Leesburg, Virginia.

rise.

i live this life
scarred and broken
uncomfortable in my own flesh.
the pain and fear
rising burning within
stealing my breath
threatening to engulf me.
my only escape
comes closer to destroying me
every time i give in.
i hit my knees
crying out to something
that i can't see
feeling the waves
wash over me
feeling the warmth
feeling the love
feeling like i can break free.
as soon as i feel
a bit of peace
the sadness
it rises.

"You will drown in your own sorrow."

Carol Linton, age 38

RAINDROP
The sobbing of the rain
I hear her collapse in pain
On the grey slab
splatter and opened wound
trickle a tear, or two
and you will drown in your own sorrow
an ocean is man made

Final poetry contest entries!

These are the final entries to the poetry contest! A big thank you to everyone who sent in poems and read/commented on the submissions. To find out the first prize winner and the five runners up, check back on April 30th! (All winners will be notified before the 30th.)

Don't forget, http://www.youmakemefeellessalone.blogspot/ is a year round place for you to post poems, stories, and art about your struggles with mental illness. Your words are powerful. Your words can help people. Share them.

Sarah Plumb, age 31
Behind the Smile
My smile
it's my signature
everyone knows it
people compliment me on it
My eyes too
They're bright, green with yellow flecks
Ironically they're more beautiful
after I cry
People are always shocked
when they find out
You?? You have depression?
Surely not
You're always so bubbly
so happy, so alive
And it's true
I am happy
Happiness is my true state
But I have a disease
sometimes it envelopes me
Only those who really know me
ever really see it or really get
that it's real
Am I such a great actress?
Or is it just worse when I'm alone
Probably both
It's always there
like a birthmark
an anxious, depressed birthmark
Visible if you know where to look
But hidden to most
It's always there
Sometimes it seems
larger
Sometimes it can fade away to almost nothing
I like when it fades
but it's part of me
I accept it
I look on it with love
and hope for peace

Anonymous, age 18
[safe place to fall:]
"yesterday you asked me if i would go to your funeral, if you had one, and i said i did not know. i stood at the wall, starring down, and you asked me if i thought it was a far way down, and i said i did not know. your eyes got lost in the distance as you stepped towards the edge, and i pretended not to feel the pressure against my arm as i gently held you back; you asked me if i thought it would kill you to fall, and i said i did not know. i lied. the answers haunted the back of my mind as i fought against the thought of losing you. i was too scared to say yes. i contemplated the same questions in my mind, breathing in the familiar sense of having nothing left. it feels like death, standing so close to mid air, reliving all the moments that brought you there. it feels like death to look in someones eyes and to see yourself staring back, wanting so bad to take the emptiness away from them so they can feel again. but the end never seemed so far away as i promised more than i thought i could ever believe in. tomorrow came, and i need you to know i love you. i cannot lose you. and even though i said i did not know, i know more than you dared to ask. you taught me how to believe that everything happens for a reason - even when death tries to steal you away, there is someone else standing there anticipating the fall, telling you 'i do not know how or when, but it will all be okay. i promise.' and all you can say is 'yes' - to life and to believing in saving a life. no lie."

Anonymous, 21
Don’t Be Fooled
Wow, who is that girl in the picture?
She looks like the happiest person on earth
Huge smile, glittering eyes, must be
I wish I was happy
Even half as happy
It’s better than nothing, torture, and fear
And look at this one
She has so many friends
They look so close
I wish I had friends
Yeah I know people
But they just put up with me
And they don’t even really know me
Acquaintances not friends
Awww, look there she is with a guy
I wonder if it’s her boyfriend
She must have guys chasing her all the time
I wish guys liked me
A guy would never want a girl like me
I’m so lonely
There she is posing on the beach with friends
She looks so care free
I want to be free like that
But I’m trapped by my problems…
And who I am
One last photo of what appears to be the happiest girl on earth
I wish I could recognize her
“Hey you, do you know who this is?”
“Don’t be silly, that’s you…
From yesterday”

Manar H., age 15
it’s murky today
not quite opaque
i can almost see
clear through the lake

i used to sit there
underwater
i used to sit there
fit to slaughter

i’d swallow silt
and bathe in mud
washed in guilt
with grime for suds

i’d seek the sun
and talk to none
i’d hide from light
and yearn for flight

but it was dark
always dark
and it was still
very still

and when i thrashed
the water held me
and when i crashed
the water felled me

one day i crawled out
bruised, sick, and dirty
one day i found out
the sun couldn’t stop the hurting

now i sit on the bank
and stare in the mirror,
the dark face of the lake
and it couldn’t be clearer

the reflection i see
is my battered soul
the darkness is but
nature’s cruel toll

but it’s murky today
not quite transparent
still, you could almost say
that change is apparent

TJ, age 60
I feel it coming
the unwelcome visitor
who stays too long
and demands too much

Powerless to stop it
I can only watch
as darkness arrives
and makes itself at home

It opens my mail
and hides the letters
but leaves the bills
for me to find

It takes the space
that once was mine
and redecorates
without my approval

It moves into my bed
and pushes me over
steals my sleep
and the blankets, too

It will grow tired of me
and slip away
but not soon enough
and never for long

One of these days
I'll pack its bags
escort it to the door
and send it away

And next time
maybe I'll remember
to change the locks
before it returns

Angela R. Kurtz, age 42
Jack
R.I.P (09/26/2009) Suicide
I felt you early in my room
For only you could be
Anywhere that you want
So then maybe
You felt the need to come to me
Cause maybe you feel
That you left too soon
And left behind something
Very real
Someone you loved and
Needed you cause after all
My dear I loved you so
Very much and always wanted you here.
I felt you early in my room
And woke up with all tears
For the one I loved has left me
Here to get through all the years
Without his smile or his laugh
And this is all I know
I miss you baby and I cannot
Lie I am miserable for sure
I can’t forget the times you held me
In your arms so tight and let me deep
Into your soul and I never wanted
You to let go
Cause without you baby I am so lost
And trying to make my way
But knowing you will never
Be in my bed again
Is killing me slowly and I’m
Trying to be the strong one
you left behind.
I woke this morn and felt you here
And the tears they just came out
The way you used to brush my cheek
And then without a doubt
I knew you loved me and that
You could feel me inside and out
Now the days are long and the
Nights are too
And when I feel you here
It makes it harder to let go
And get on with my years
For only I can make my life
And this is what I know
I love you baby without a doubt
But now I need to go and do
The one thing that is so hard
Is say goodbye to you
I miss you baby and always will
But now I have to go
And live my life accordingly
And make you proud for sure
Goodbye Baby and please don’t
Come visit me again
For I cannot take the memories and tears
That come with them
I’m moving on or at least I will
Try and make this life complete
For only I can do this on my own
Two feet
Goodbye my love and all things
That could have been for us
I loved you then and I love you now
And never will forget
But until then when we meet again,
I know you will understand
You cannot come to visit me ever
Ever again
Please rest in peace
And remember me for in my
Heart to stay are all the days
That we shared and a love
That will never go away

Adrian S, age 15

I wish only peace, just a moment of rest

But I can't forget, because I'm a mess

Shades of my past, futures of demons

Writhing in my skin, who, alone, can free us?

Running from dreams, chasing nightmares

Seeking some solace, in hope of repair

I'm broken, unwound

I'm bound to my fear

Someone see me, I might disappear

I fade

I die

No one will care

Yet, I hear there's a place

I can abandon my despair

Perhaps, there's a light

To show me there...

Ellie, age 21

We Weren't A Cliche

She has been my home. For the past

five years, she has been the base I

touch to feel secure. You wouldn't have

predicted it, not if you'd known us then.

I was an athlete, a gifted student who was

trying semi-successfully not to fall

apart. She was already broken, with a

recklessness I envied.

So when my control started to slip; when I

couldn't hide the tears, the cuts, the building

anger, she attempted to catch me.

And together, we crashed to the ground.

The sound was deafening.

And, really, that is when the story starts,

because we didn't stand back up.

Instead, we grabbed each others blistering,

broken shoulders and shook. Screamed into

one anothers face. For years we stayed that way,

through treatments, through failures, through everyone's

disapproval, we hung on. If we couldn't fix each other,

there was no reason to save ourselves.

I don't know when it changed. I really

couldn't tell you why. But we learned it was alright

to not always be in the others view. Today, she's decided

to leave, to move to a new state, a new life. I can't

figure out how to let go of her, but I am her friend.

And for both our sakes,

I can't ask her not to go.

A. R. Fantroy, age 18

Above the Influence

Well it wasnt at all hard to see
Through all those heartbreaks and misery
That led up to this tragedy
That killed most of her family
That explained all of this irony
That formed from that cruelty
That never seemed too clear to me
That was stupid and oh-so blurry
In those last tears I see
Falling oh-so beautifully
From his gravelly face we see
He misses her oh-so dearly
From that drunken party
Where she went home unknowingly
She would die so violently
From being drunk and deadly
That he was almost dead and dreary
But it was just her who left willingly
Thinking she could go on livingly
Under the influence now we see
Leads to dying and debauchery
And losing all that cared for me
Because of all the stupidity
Heres a lesson in life we see
Dont drink and drive and you wont lose me

Amanda E. Mtz., age 16

I don't want to be...me.

I don’t want to be crazy.

I don’t want to walk through life scared…of myself.

Scared of what I might do.

Slit my wrists.

Jump out of a window.

I don’t want to be crazy.
I don’t want to be over medicated or

numb.

Not anymore.

I don’t want to be crazy.

I don’t want to lose myself.

Whoever that may be.

I don’t want to feel like this

Panicked.

Scared .

Lost .

Dead.

It’s all in my head they say.

The Panic

Fear

Voices…

So I am crazy

but I don’t want to be.

How do I live with my own worst enemy staring me in the face every morning?

When the mirror lies and the voices yell?
I don’t need your torture, I already hate myself.

I don’t want to be crazy.
Leave me alone.
You, Me, Whoever you may be.

Margaret LaBombard, age 31
"Back Away Slowly"
It's not that I don't love you
I'm just tired of your ways
I want it all to break apart
And for you to go away

I had to plant my feet
So not to hold your hand
Things are hectic Oh so hectic

So why spend time if all I feel is sorry
That can't be want you want

Turn the picture face down and leave
Pretend it never happened
What ever works for you
Baby I'm through.

Pattybill, age 56

Advice for Alice

A spider

Leads you to a rabbit hole

With

Slippery slopes.

Once inside,

You surrender.

Daddy Darkness

Seduces you;

You fall

In Love.

He doesn’t

Take care

Of you.

You eat potato chips & onion dip for dinner, wear dirty pajamas and push greasy hair out of your eyes. Your mail resembles the Leaning Tower of Piza. Your bed stinks.

Find the window.

There is a sign.

Stop.

You worry about what everything means and the duplicity of words.

Stop.

Trust me.

I’ve been there &

I got out

Fifth batch of entries to the poetry contest!

Here's the fifth batch of entries to the poetry contest. Check back next week for the final submissions! Read about the guidelines and the prizes here.
Don't forget to submit your poem by 4/26.

Nafeesah Haliru, age 17
BROKEN
In the deepest of tears
With a fearful heart
Uncertainty filling my mind
Bewildered I stood in reality
Searching through memories

In the darkest of nights
Running through memories of lost love
Stumbling on faults and un-answered questions
Aspen was our relationship
Blown away by the wind

Gone are the sunshine
The stars that sparkle in the darkest
Broken in silence is my heart
Flowing through confusions
Your absence taking me slowly

Cold and lonely amidst uncertainty
Shocked by the hard hit of the hands of love
Shaking in fear of lost
Without a tear I kept crying
Forever gone or forever mine?

Un-noticed days turned to nights
Still time kept walking
Passing with each second
Minutes creeping through me
At a standstill was mine

Slow have gone all the music
With my tears dancing to the melodies
Lyrics lancing my heart
Echos of your name filling my head
With an image of you I made a scene

Uncolorful nature have become
Dead are my flowers in August
In lost beauty of the earth I lived
Wishes are all I’ve got
In the silence of my memories I make a life

Ashley Rose, age 16

It hurts so much to remember the past because,

I had a parent to guide me
A mother who once loved me more than the world
That person no longer exists
I wish I didn't have to watch it drift away
I never asked to lose her love
It all just makes me scream
But I've lost my voice
I've lost my strength
Tell me,
Where can I find you?

Felicia Monique, age 41
My Mirror

It may appear that I ...
stopped turning my mirror around
stopped looking at my own face
have it all figured out
am fixed
unbroken
no longer scathed.

Truth is, I can never stop ...
seeking the reason behind the reason
seeing my faults, imperfections, and flaws
hoping for change and growth with each new breath
learning to be courageous in the moment
looking forward to each sunrise and each sunset.

I know ...
the mark has been missed
the stop sign unseen
the mind unconscious
the trust lost.

I spoke from an unhealed heart
forgot the lesson
placed unexpected expectations
turned the mirror away
seeking and seeing you
forgetting about me
my image
my face.

Today ...
my mirror is in its correct place
unblocked
without its shield
turned toward the owner's face.

Anonymous, age 21
Don’t Be Fooled

Wow, who is that girl in the picture?

She looks like the happiest person on earth

Huge smile, glittering eyes, must be

I wish I was happy

Even half as happy

It’s better than nothing, torture, and fear

And look at this one

She has so many friends

They look so close

I wish I had friends

Yeah I know people

But they just put up with me

And they don’t even really know me

Acquaintances not friends

Awww, look there she is with a guy

I wonder if it’s her boyfriend

She must have guys chasing her all the time

I wish guys liked me

A guy would never want a girl like me

I’m so lonely

There she is posing on the beach with friends

She looks so care free

I want to be free like that

But I’m trapped by my problems…

And who I am

One last photo of what appears to be the happiest girl on earth

I wish I could recognize her

“Hey you, do you know who this is?”

“Don’t be silly, that’s you…

From yesterday”

Allie Marie Birch, age 14
White Rose

My heart is gray, but it still beats with a white rose laced between my fingertips.

It wraps around my heart as the petals fall into my soul.

As the vines grow my love expands even more.

The thorns sometimes prick but I understand.

The petals whither and decay over time.

They disappear as if they weren't there.

My heart absorbed the color of the petals,

Now its pure white.

But the thorns keep pricking me.

Then I begin to bleed.

My heart turns red.

The deadly vines dissolve and die.
My heart is then alive.
All because of a little,
White Rose...

Fourth batch of entries to the poetry contest!

I've been getting so many submissions that I am posting again this week!

Here's the fourth batch of entries to the poetry contest. Check back next Monday for more! Submit your poem by 4/26. Read the guidelines here.

Ellie H. (aka "EO"), age 34
Sadness, overwhelming
Anxiety, devastating
Plans, have no meaning
Decisions, always questioning
Purpose, always wondering
Meaning, never knowing
People, never trusting
Self, always doubting
Depression, never ending.

Sandra Ogle, age 29
American Scene 23
As it would be known, she was not only alive in her own right;
she was basically all life on earth, including mine.
She was much more vivid to the average person
than I was. Around her, it became hard to breathe.
How does she roll? All the way to the top.
Nothing will be as detailed and compact as it was then,
on the days when I pulled the bark off the cedar tree
in long, curled strips and piled it into loose stacks;
one strong, clear vision.

I took the bark that made others sneeze and drew it near to me.
I took a lost sense of smell and reflected on misunderstandings.
I took the words she said and made my own ideas out of them.

What was hoped for has now passed though, and
in place of avid attention toward what could be, I have these
dried stacks of bark, itchy eyes, and mild headaches.
How does she roll?

Carol Linton, age 38
SLASHED
The blood has congealed
No longer running like a river
No longer spurting like a fountain
It is still, hardened,
Like a ruby a - shining
I cover it up, no longer exposed
To the elements of the world
That would enter and fester
Turn from red to green
Don't want it to be seen

The seamstress sews a beautiful stitch
Straight lined perfection
Now all that is left
Is my imperfection
Of how I will always
be remembered of
How lucky I am
To be alive

Grant-Grey Guda, age 20
Epoch of Love
There will be virtue,
Virtue seen so pure,
Pure virtue forever,
In epoch within time,
Time so close and near,
Near to heart and soul,
Soul that seems lost,
Lost in hate eternally,
Eternally in bane stuck,
Stuck for now at least,
There will be an epoch,
An epoch with peace,
Peace so needed forever,
There will be a time,
A time of love powerful,
Love so infinitely caring,
There will be an age,
An age for the hurting,
The hurting will find,
Find that which is sought,
They will find peace,
Arms shall be discovered,
Discovered in that time,
Arms for caring protection,
That time will be wonderful,
We will live without pain,
All will be happiness,
Happiness within that place,
That place of new pure Eden.

William F Dunn IV, age 29
He was on firm ground.
A sudden mass formed from beneath and rose. He was at the top. A bright future all around is what he saw. A rush of joy, and hope is what he felt.
His love pulsated for where he was and for the peak that provided this place he thought he'd never be.
Overcome by his feelings, he lost sight; lost hi...s footing. He slipped. He fell swiftly towards the now rocky bottom of where he once stood. His mind flooded with how things went awry as he faced the approaching, rocky base. An unexpected branch caught him.
He struggled, not wanting to be where he was before.
He yearned to be on top again, knowing there may be a cumbersome ascent ahead.
What came to him naturally, he will now work diligently to earn what once came to him.
"Fortune favors the bold", and he will climb boldly to regain what he cherishes, this peak, with the mental tools he accumulated during his fall.

Maryann H., age 20
Skin Deep
My mom falls back a few steps
to match my pace,
and we continue walking on
side by side
in silence.
She reaches for my hand
and I let her take it,
feeling the gentle caress of her hand
as she runs her finger along the curve
from forefinger to thumb
and back again,
reading the nail marks on my hand
like Braille beneath her fingertips.
She wants to understand
and so do I
as I look down at my hand in hers,
see the bright pink scratches
that I had created,
scattered along the arch of my hand
like fallen needles off an old pine.
She pulls me close
and tells me she has known me my whole life
tells me she has known me for the nine months
before I was born
and that she doesn’t want me
to hurt myself,
that it hurts her too.
I allow myself to fall deeper into her embrace,
fall back into a warm world of
my own heartbeat
and gentle kicks felt from above.
I want to tell her that I’ll be okay,
but instead I close my eyes
and let the world around me be darkness
for a few moments longer.

Second batch of poetry contest entries

Here's the second batch of entries to the poetry contest. Check back next Moday for more!

Submit your poem by 4/26. Read the guidelines here.

Charles Pargo, age 20

Frustration

My frustration is causing anticipation

Because of the decision and hard times I’m facing

Running after something but what am I chasing?

My heart is still but my emotion racing

My thoughts are long and my decisions made

My mistakes and lies have already been paid

But my family I still owe

Because when they needed help I couldn’t open the door

My mind is at a level where my thinking process is higher

I go to sleep warm but wake up cold in a sweat

Thinking about a dream that I can’t forget

I feel pain but I’m not hit

The game is over did I lose or did I quit?

Trying to put my life back together but some pieces don’t fit

I think I’m missing my heart, did you steal it?

Craving freedom but anger I am tasting

Getting past my problems but facing frustrations.

Philip Zyg, age 34

WINTER SPORTS 2

Agonizing laboratory rat in the slush

by a sliding glass door -

a party inside, laughter & cocktails,

he outside, few seconds left

and he dies, with the terminal

image of his female miscarrying -

five poor unborn darlings.

Anonymous, age 17

The man across the room is bending a silver spoon
With his mind
The only thing that flexes is sorrow when I use mine
I take a breath through my ears and the ambiance fills my brain
For a moment it is enough
To convince me that I am not insane
I love you, mid-morning rain
You give me the amnesia to forget away
The struggle of loneliness, the uncomforts of a twin-sized bed
Because only one woman falls asleep here in my head
Call it hopeless or call it foreshadowing
I can’t tell now where I am because my eyes are rattling
There are padded rooms for dangerous people
Holy books in sacred steeples
I remember the faces but I forgot the beautiful people
I have friends here
Around their necks they hang bells
They call this place home
I call this prison hell
It is likely that I am in a mental hospital
But the drugs make it difficult to tell

Matt J Davies, age 26

I think you got the best of me
And kept some for yourself
You took three years of energy
Then left me on the shelf

I wouldnt say i blame you
But youve killed a part of me
I gave too much then lost you
And that Loves now history

The way our friendship ended
Broke my spirit and romance
I dropped my faith in people
And i fell into a trance

I spent a year of wishing
That youd not changed as id feared
I sat at home and wrote a poem
And grew myself a beard

It took a lot to leave you be
And not follow your trail
Or crash your phone and inbox
With texts and long emails

I sent a few of course
No more than 1 a week
But you chose to ignore
For reasons i still seek

I still seek sense and closure
I need to know your mind
How could you leave me sat here
Alone and high and dry

True love waits Thom told me
And for a while i really thought
That maybe i still loved you
Cause moving on was fraught

Everyday for months on end
Id think about your face
Obsessing over little things
And remembering your ways

At times i was so bitter
Angry and so mad
It seemed so unnecessary
That youd treated me so bad

I didnt hurt or harm you
During our 4 years
I only showed you Love
And believed true love was ours

Even when you dumped me
I forgave despite the hurt
And then you promised friendship
And i took you to your word

To be just friends was enough for me
I Loved you as a friend
I was prepared to be your friend
Best friends until the end

On the last day i saw you
When i met your little dog
Things didnt seem that awkward
And i left without a fog

But then you stopped replying
To texts and morning calls
Youd made the choice to dump me
Youd changed and turned so cold

So here we are a year has passed
And im still on my own
I dont get out that much
And i barely use the phone

Im paying the price for meeting you
And giving you too much Love
I simply quite adored you
And thought that was enough

Yet now i must move on
And ive tried to all this year
Its got a little easier
But there something still not here

If you find my sparkle
Can you post it back to me
I hope it reconnects and
Im able to achieve

Achieve the sort of happiness
Of when i first met you
I want to meet another girl
And make her happy too

But when i do i now know
With many thanks to you
Not to get too close to her
Or leave friends out the loop

I cant rely on one girl
To see me through my days
Its obvious that true love
Doesnt last or really wait

So as i end this scrambled page
Of self obsessed old tripe
I say to you my bunny
I wish you a beautiful life

Although you half destroyed me
Youve also made me strong
Despite the fact there was no need
And despite that it was wrong

But wrong or right im still here
And you are where you are
Good luck to you my pretty girl
Ill see you in the stars

Jaycee Rose, age 18

Panic.

I don't know who I am anymore.

I have lost all semblance of logic, of reason.

Of sanity.

Of myself.

I feel trapped, a bitter taste on my tongue.

My mind is never where it should be, I am slipping away.

It's so dark all around me and my lungs are filled with dirt and water and everything else that is burying me, so much that I can't call out for help, for a breath.

They see me drowning, but I can't explain just how much.

No one can reach the depths I have reached.

I'm like a recording, my throat scratching and clawing for the truth to come out but when I open my mouth I can only deny.

Deny that I am so scared of myself that I lie awake at night haunted.

That I am afraid to be out with myself because I have lost all semblance of control.

This had made me lose every part of me that I knew.

It's turned me into a monster, an alien to myself.

To the people around me.

I'm so scared of it, and yet it is the only thing that can let me feel in control.

First entries to the poetry contest!

Happy National Poetry Month! Below are the first five entries to the contest. I'll continue posting the poems in batches throughout the month. To get a notification each time there is a new post, click on the "subscribe" button in the left column.

Remember, you have until April 26th to send in your entry. Read about the prizes and guidelines here.

Jennifer C., age 16

Anxiety

Anxiety walks with me wherever I go.
She wares me out, this I know.
She carries no confidence, while depression keeps her locked up alone.
Still smiles but inside shes dying, going crazy inside though its rarely shown.
Sleep seems hard to come by during the night.
Always wondering when she'll ever change, wanting to escape the tunnel to find a light.
She drowns herself in misery, chocking on her own thoughts.
Wearing her bracelet full of broken dreams and memories, tying it with double knots.
Shes walking toward her beautiful sea, shes wanting to go..bye-bye.
Standing on the rails which separate life from death, she spreads her arms and now she'll fly..goodbye.

Isabelle, age 17

C’est moi?

Who am I? A simple question that teenager’s ask themselves.

Not for me.

Doubts. Questions. Unfamiliarity. Confusion.

Anxiety spiraled these questions out of control for me.

I was just a freshman excited for high school, right?

SMACK

End freshman year and my mind collapses.

SMACK

15 fine and fresh. My whole life ahead of me.

“These are the best years of your life!”

“Enjoy them!”

“You only live once, when you’re older you have no time for fun.”

I thought I had myself figured out.

Lists of catastrophes went through my mind…

I’m suicidal? What?

I’m crazy? What?

I’m not sure if God exists? What?

I’m going to hell! What?

I hate myself.

I hate you.

Who are you looking back at me?

I don’t even know you.

You’ll end up in a mad house.

You are insane!

You are going to embarrass yourself.

-The voice never shut up. It would scream louder until I got in a panic.

Walking around with a smile on my face.

Inside there were tears.

My insides hurt and no one could know.

No one could understand me.

Sleeping was my friend.

The voice left at night time, and the night sky my blanket.

The stars minded their own business while I prayed for a way out.

They glittered all on their own, even for me.

That night when the stars told me to strengthen up and

Look beyond that voice, I changed.

The voice still screamed but this time I smiled at it.

This voice is not mine.

My voice is stronger.

I do things, not you voice!

You lied to me all this time voice.

I am beautiful.

I am a soul.

I am loved, even if I have you screaming through my mind.

You are ugly.

I am beautiful.

You are messed up.

I am a beautiful mess.

You are lying to yourself.

I am powerful.

David, age 17

I'm afraid

Suddenly, i open my eyes
The night is gone
I'm out of my dreams
Like always i'm afraid
I'm afraid to wake up
But i'm also afraid
To go back to sleep

I'm afraid to be alone
But i'm also afraid
To be with people

Every thing i do is with a fear

I walk with a fear
I eat with a fear

I talk with a fear
Being afraid is part of my routine

Every thing i do is with a fear

I'm afraid from every one
And every thing
I'm also afraid
From my own skin
But what am I afraid of?

that's the question
I've being asking.

Stephanie Faith Sizeland, age 18

DEPRESSION

I sit next to the water and think

I think about life

About my future

About my past

And everything in between.

I dig my toes into the sand

And wish i wasn't alone

Because facing life like this...is hard

Waking up each morning

Feeling worthless

Beaten down

And thinking that i'll never be anything more

Then what i already am...

Looking out into the distance

A few tears come

They aren't rapid

There aren't many

But just enough

To ease my sudden pain.

I hate feeling like this...

And being alone just makes it worse

I feel like awful

Like if i were to die

Right here

Right now

No one would even look up

No one would think twice about it

They would just go on with their day

And forget about me.

Part of me knows that isn't true

However,

There is another part

A part that lingers deep within

That questions it from time to time.

I know i shouldn't wonder

Shouldn't worry

Shouldn't cry

But i can't help it anymore.

My emotions completely take over

I can't control them.

Depression is a lot worse

Then some make it out to be...

You think about death

Think about suicide

The ultimate sin.

You never attempt...just wonder

But even wondering

Is a sin in itself.

I sit in the warm sand and ask myself

How do i get happy again?

Do i pretend everyday...

For the sake of my loved ones

Act like it doesn't effect me

Or do i break down

Who knows?

The only real thing i can do

Is take it a day at a time.

It's hard

It hurts

And it's hard to deal with

Every day.

But i'll move on

I'll push forward

And let go.

If i hold on to it all

Let the pain fester

Build up

And drag me down

It eventually will make its way out

By any means necessary.

Crying

Screaming

Cutting

Bleeding

It gets its revenge.

I can't let depression control me

It's something i have to overcome

Something i have to take hold of

And sometimes

I'll have no choice

But to let it have it's way.

Life never gets easier

It gets harder

It's a pain.

But if i take that negative energy

And store it away

It will just drag me down.

And down i will stay

Until i let it out

Until i let it go.

God as my witness

I swear

To take hold of my depression

To rip it to shreds

And to try and live my life...happy

Because i'm done.

I'm done faking smiles

I'm done faking laughter

I'm done faking happiness.

I want to be happy

Really happy

And i will be

I will overcome this

That's a promise i make to my family

A promise i make to my friends

A promise i make to my love

And a promise i make to myself.

HG, age 17

A Villanelle

Breathe in and think, "Everything will stay,"

Lying alone on a summer night,

Exhale and convince myself, "okay."

Struggling to keep emotions at bay,

Anxious that all I love's taking flight,

Breathe in and think, "Everything will stay."

Foreseeing the fees that will be payed,

Trying to keep my eye on the light,

Exhale and convince myself, "okay."

Squeeze my eyes shut, wish it all away;

Too often these battles are tense and trite,

Breathe in and think, "Everything will stay."

Morose when happiness goes astray,

White-hot flames we should seldom ignite.

Exhale and convince myself, "okay."

Sitting in bed, I plead as I pray

For sanctity, only for a day.

Breathe in and think "Everything will stay,"

Exhale and convince myself, "okay."