The winning poem, a Q&A with the author, and the five "honorable mention" poems!

And the winner of the National Poetry Month Contest is . . . Joshua Diehl!

His incredible poem is reposted below. I've included a little bit about why I chose this piece as the winner. There's also a Q&A with the Joshua about his inspirations.

Here are the five wonderful poets who received "honorable mentions!" Their poems are reposted at the at the end of this entry.

HG, age 17, “A Villanelle”

Allie Marie Birch, age 14, “White Rose”

James William Cowan, age 21, “Untitled”

Libby, age 20, “Rest in Peace”

Maryann H., age 20, “Skin Deep”

Congratulations to all the winners . . . and to all who had the courage to submit their work!

Untitled, Joshua Diehl, age 17

The man across the room

is bending a silver spoon

With his mind

The only thing that flexes is sorrow when I use mine

I take a breath through my ears and the ambiance fills my brain

For a moment it is enough

To convince me that I am not insane

I love you, mid-morning rain

You give me the amnesia to forget away

The struggle of loneliness, the uncomforts of a twin-sized bed

Because only one woman falls asleep here in my head

Call it hopeless or call it foreshadowing

I can’t tell now where I am because my eyes are rattling

There are padded rooms for dangerous people

Holy books in sacred steeples

I remember the faces but I forgot the beautiful people

I have friends here

Around their necks they hang bells

They call this place home

I call this prison hell

It is likely that I am in a mental hospital

But the drugs make it difficult to tell

Why did I pick this poem? There are so many things about this poem that work well…and here are a few that stand out to me. First, is how well the rhyming suits the poem. Rhyming is often very hard to pull off, but there is something about the inconsistent rhythm that fits with the subject matter. Second, the dark humor at the end is really effective. You don’t know whether or not you can trust what the speaker is saying. That was a nice twist. Third, I loved that the author created his own word: “uncomforts.” Finally, and most importantly, I thought that imagery was beautiful and very thought provoking. The image I was most struck with was “around their necks they hang bells.” I spent some time wondering what the author was referring to here. The only thing I could think of was a cow wearing a bell around its neck while it’s out to pasture or being herded. For me, those images connected well to the theme of being in an institutional setting.

I wanted to ask the author what he was envisioning there…and that inspired me to do a short Q&A with him.

Can you tell me a little bit about yourself?

My name is Joshua Diehl. I am a seventeen-year-old living in northern Texas with my mother and two sisters. Nothing means more to me than the written word, and writing helps to alleviate my anxiety.

What inspired you to write this poem?

What little meaningful inspiration I manage to acquire is a result of my inner toils, the relentless aching that boils and floods the corners of my mind and hangs from my heart with the weight of a thousand vampire bats. It inspires me to recognize that I am not alone in that grueling condition. If you are reading this, you inspire me. I care for you.

What’s the last thing you read that really blew you away?

“Did the hospital specialize in poets and singers, or was it that poets and singers specialized in madness? ... What is it about meter and cadence and rhythm that makes their makers mad?” --Susanna Kaysen

Who are you favorite writers? Has reading their work influenced you? If so, how?

Dave Eggers is most certainly among my favorite writers. I particularly enjoy his very personal literary style and tremendous knack for dialogue. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius is a beautiful read, and I would recommend it to anyone. I have very recently taken interest in the work of the 13th-century Persian poet, Rumi. A quote of his that I am considerably fond of is: “This is how you slip into your infinite home: Close your eyes and surrender.”

Here are the five poems that received honorable mentions.

HG, age 17

A Villanelle

Breathe in and think, "Everything will stay,"

Lying alone on a summer night,

Exhale and convince myself, "okay."

Struggling to keep emotions at bay,

Anxious that all I love's taking flight,

Breathe in and think, "Everything will stay."

Foreseeing the fees that will be payed,

Trying to keep my eye on the light,

Exhale and convince myself, "okay."

Squeeze my eyes shut, wish it all away;

Too often these battles are tense and trite,

Breathe in and think, "Everything will stay."

Morose when happiness goes astray,

White-hot flames we should seldom ignite.

Exhale and convince myself, "okay."

Sitting in bed, I plead as I pray

For sanctity, only for a day.

Breathe in and think "Everything will stay,"

Exhale and convince myself, "okay."

Allie Marie Birch, age 14

White Rose

My heart is gray, but it still beats with a white rose laced between my fingertips.

It wraps around my heart as the petals fall into my soul.

As the vines grow my love expands even more.

The thorns sometimes prick but I understand.

The petals whither and decay over time.

They disappear as if they weren't there.

My heart absorbed the color of the petals,

Now its pure white.

But the thorns keep pricking me.

Then I begin to bleed.

My heart turns red.

The deadly vines dissolve and die.

My heart is then alive.

All because of a little,

White Rose...

James William Cowan, age 21

I wake to the smell of rain

Each one dies in vain

The cement has no need

For the water that feeds

Libby, age 20

Rest in Peace

Little girl there's no need to fear

I'm going to heal from these horrifying years

but in order for me to move forward

you have to listen to these words with courage

the abuse was not your fault

here was no way for you to scream for help

Little girl I need you to understand

he can no longer hurt you with the touch of his hand

he's far away from you

I know what he did makes you feel very, very blue

but a better life awaits

so you can stop planning your escape

Little girl you have to stop blaming yourself

it's okay to let go and get up

you don't need to haunt me anymore

I'm dealing with your memories hard core

one day I'll sew up these broken wings

so let go of all your hatred and be free

Little girl you have to stop playing your tricks

you're holding me hostage at the wrists

you have to let go for good this time

so I can get myself together and be fine

you have to stop pretending you're okay

our paths have crossed and I know you're in a broken state

Little girl it's not too late

our soul can come back from the grave

but your shadow is holding me back

I need you to lay down and relax

I promise this nightmare will come to an end

I'm no longer afraid of myself or him

Little girl I'm not trying to forget you

you've done an incredible job holding on to this as I grew

so lay down your head and rest

I'm going to take this painful load off your chest

the healing is coming but not in one piece

but don't worry, I promise it's coming please believe

Little girl it's time for you to rest in peace

so put the past behind you and breathe

go back and play on the swing

remember the days before you had broken wings

we may never get justice for this crime

but finally, you can now rest until the end of time

Maryann H., age 20

Skin Deep

My mom falls back a few steps

to match my pace,

and we continue walking on

side by side

in silence.

She reaches for my hand

and I let her take it,

feeling the gentle caress of her hand

as she runs her finger along the curve

from forefinger to thumb

and back again,

reading the nail marks on my hand

like Braille beneath her fingertips.

She wants to understand

and so do I

as I look down at my hand in hers,

see the bright pink scratches

that I had created,

scattered along the arch of my hand

like fallen needles off an old pine.

She pulls me close

and tells me she has known me my whole life

tells me she has known me for the nine months

before I was born

and that she doesn’t want me

to hurt myself,

that it hurts her too.

I allow myself to fall deeper into her embrace,

fall back into a warm world of

my own heartbeat

and gentle kicks felt from above.

I want to tell her that I’ll be okay,

but instead I close my eyes

and let the world around me be darkness

for a few moments longer.

Final poetry contest entries!

These are the final entries to the poetry contest! A big thank you to everyone who sent in poems and read/commented on the submissions. To find out the first prize winner and the five runners up, check back on April 30th! (All winners will be notified before the 30th.)

Don't forget, http://www.youmakemefeellessalone.blogspot/ is a year round place for you to post poems, stories, and art about your struggles with mental illness. Your words are powerful. Your words can help people. Share them.

Sarah Plumb, age 31
Behind the Smile
My smile
it's my signature
everyone knows it
people compliment me on it
My eyes too
They're bright, green with yellow flecks
Ironically they're more beautiful
after I cry
People are always shocked
when they find out
You?? You have depression?
Surely not
You're always so bubbly
so happy, so alive
And it's true
I am happy
Happiness is my true state
But I have a disease
sometimes it envelopes me
Only those who really know me
ever really see it or really get
that it's real
Am I such a great actress?
Or is it just worse when I'm alone
Probably both
It's always there
like a birthmark
an anxious, depressed birthmark
Visible if you know where to look
But hidden to most
It's always there
Sometimes it seems
larger
Sometimes it can fade away to almost nothing
I like when it fades
but it's part of me
I accept it
I look on it with love
and hope for peace

Anonymous, age 18
[safe place to fall:]
"yesterday you asked me if i would go to your funeral, if you had one, and i said i did not know. i stood at the wall, starring down, and you asked me if i thought it was a far way down, and i said i did not know. your eyes got lost in the distance as you stepped towards the edge, and i pretended not to feel the pressure against my arm as i gently held you back; you asked me if i thought it would kill you to fall, and i said i did not know. i lied. the answers haunted the back of my mind as i fought against the thought of losing you. i was too scared to say yes. i contemplated the same questions in my mind, breathing in the familiar sense of having nothing left. it feels like death, standing so close to mid air, reliving all the moments that brought you there. it feels like death to look in someones eyes and to see yourself staring back, wanting so bad to take the emptiness away from them so they can feel again. but the end never seemed so far away as i promised more than i thought i could ever believe in. tomorrow came, and i need you to know i love you. i cannot lose you. and even though i said i did not know, i know more than you dared to ask. you taught me how to believe that everything happens for a reason - even when death tries to steal you away, there is someone else standing there anticipating the fall, telling you 'i do not know how or when, but it will all be okay. i promise.' and all you can say is 'yes' - to life and to believing in saving a life. no lie."

Anonymous, 21
Don’t Be Fooled
Wow, who is that girl in the picture?
She looks like the happiest person on earth
Huge smile, glittering eyes, must be
I wish I was happy
Even half as happy
It’s better than nothing, torture, and fear
And look at this one
She has so many friends
They look so close
I wish I had friends
Yeah I know people
But they just put up with me
And they don’t even really know me
Acquaintances not friends
Awww, look there she is with a guy
I wonder if it’s her boyfriend
She must have guys chasing her all the time
I wish guys liked me
A guy would never want a girl like me
I’m so lonely
There she is posing on the beach with friends
She looks so care free
I want to be free like that
But I’m trapped by my problems…
And who I am
One last photo of what appears to be the happiest girl on earth
I wish I could recognize her
“Hey you, do you know who this is?”
“Don’t be silly, that’s you…
From yesterday”

Manar H., age 15
it’s murky today
not quite opaque
i can almost see
clear through the lake

i used to sit there
underwater
i used to sit there
fit to slaughter

i’d swallow silt
and bathe in mud
washed in guilt
with grime for suds

i’d seek the sun
and talk to none
i’d hide from light
and yearn for flight

but it was dark
always dark
and it was still
very still

and when i thrashed
the water held me
and when i crashed
the water felled me

one day i crawled out
bruised, sick, and dirty
one day i found out
the sun couldn’t stop the hurting

now i sit on the bank
and stare in the mirror,
the dark face of the lake
and it couldn’t be clearer

the reflection i see
is my battered soul
the darkness is but
nature’s cruel toll

but it’s murky today
not quite transparent
still, you could almost say
that change is apparent

TJ, age 60
I feel it coming
the unwelcome visitor
who stays too long
and demands too much

Powerless to stop it
I can only watch
as darkness arrives
and makes itself at home

It opens my mail
and hides the letters
but leaves the bills
for me to find

It takes the space
that once was mine
and redecorates
without my approval

It moves into my bed
and pushes me over
steals my sleep
and the blankets, too

It will grow tired of me
and slip away
but not soon enough
and never for long

One of these days
I'll pack its bags
escort it to the door
and send it away

And next time
maybe I'll remember
to change the locks
before it returns

Angela R. Kurtz, age 42
Jack
R.I.P (09/26/2009) Suicide
I felt you early in my room
For only you could be
Anywhere that you want
So then maybe
You felt the need to come to me
Cause maybe you feel
That you left too soon
And left behind something
Very real
Someone you loved and
Needed you cause after all
My dear I loved you so
Very much and always wanted you here.
I felt you early in my room
And woke up with all tears
For the one I loved has left me
Here to get through all the years
Without his smile or his laugh
And this is all I know
I miss you baby and I cannot
Lie I am miserable for sure
I can’t forget the times you held me
In your arms so tight and let me deep
Into your soul and I never wanted
You to let go
Cause without you baby I am so lost
And trying to make my way
But knowing you will never
Be in my bed again
Is killing me slowly and I’m
Trying to be the strong one
you left behind.
I woke this morn and felt you here
And the tears they just came out
The way you used to brush my cheek
And then without a doubt
I knew you loved me and that
You could feel me inside and out
Now the days are long and the
Nights are too
And when I feel you here
It makes it harder to let go
And get on with my years
For only I can make my life
And this is what I know
I love you baby without a doubt
But now I need to go and do
The one thing that is so hard
Is say goodbye to you
I miss you baby and always will
But now I have to go
And live my life accordingly
And make you proud for sure
Goodbye Baby and please don’t
Come visit me again
For I cannot take the memories and tears
That come with them
I’m moving on or at least I will
Try and make this life complete
For only I can do this on my own
Two feet
Goodbye my love and all things
That could have been for us
I loved you then and I love you now
And never will forget
But until then when we meet again,
I know you will understand
You cannot come to visit me ever
Ever again
Please rest in peace
And remember me for in my
Heart to stay are all the days
That we shared and a love
That will never go away

Adrian S, age 15

I wish only peace, just a moment of rest

But I can't forget, because I'm a mess

Shades of my past, futures of demons

Writhing in my skin, who, alone, can free us?

Running from dreams, chasing nightmares

Seeking some solace, in hope of repair

I'm broken, unwound

I'm bound to my fear

Someone see me, I might disappear

I fade

I die

No one will care

Yet, I hear there's a place

I can abandon my despair

Perhaps, there's a light

To show me there...

Ellie, age 21

We Weren't A Cliche

She has been my home. For the past

five years, she has been the base I

touch to feel secure. You wouldn't have

predicted it, not if you'd known us then.

I was an athlete, a gifted student who was

trying semi-successfully not to fall

apart. She was already broken, with a

recklessness I envied.

So when my control started to slip; when I

couldn't hide the tears, the cuts, the building

anger, she attempted to catch me.

And together, we crashed to the ground.

The sound was deafening.

And, really, that is when the story starts,

because we didn't stand back up.

Instead, we grabbed each others blistering,

broken shoulders and shook. Screamed into

one anothers face. For years we stayed that way,

through treatments, through failures, through everyone's

disapproval, we hung on. If we couldn't fix each other,

there was no reason to save ourselves.

I don't know when it changed. I really

couldn't tell you why. But we learned it was alright

to not always be in the others view. Today, she's decided

to leave, to move to a new state, a new life. I can't

figure out how to let go of her, but I am her friend.

And for both our sakes,

I can't ask her not to go.

A. R. Fantroy, age 18

Above the Influence

Well it wasnt at all hard to see
Through all those heartbreaks and misery
That led up to this tragedy
That killed most of her family
That explained all of this irony
That formed from that cruelty
That never seemed too clear to me
That was stupid and oh-so blurry
In those last tears I see
Falling oh-so beautifully
From his gravelly face we see
He misses her oh-so dearly
From that drunken party
Where she went home unknowingly
She would die so violently
From being drunk and deadly
That he was almost dead and dreary
But it was just her who left willingly
Thinking she could go on livingly
Under the influence now we see
Leads to dying and debauchery
And losing all that cared for me
Because of all the stupidity
Heres a lesson in life we see
Dont drink and drive and you wont lose me

Amanda E. Mtz., age 16

I don't want to be...me.

I don’t want to be crazy.

I don’t want to walk through life scared…of myself.

Scared of what I might do.

Slit my wrists.

Jump out of a window.

I don’t want to be crazy.
I don’t want to be over medicated or

numb.

Not anymore.

I don’t want to be crazy.

I don’t want to lose myself.

Whoever that may be.

I don’t want to feel like this

Panicked.

Scared .

Lost .

Dead.

It’s all in my head they say.

The Panic

Fear

Voices…

So I am crazy

but I don’t want to be.

How do I live with my own worst enemy staring me in the face every morning?

When the mirror lies and the voices yell?
I don’t need your torture, I already hate myself.

I don’t want to be crazy.
Leave me alone.
You, Me, Whoever you may be.

Margaret LaBombard, age 31
"Back Away Slowly"
It's not that I don't love you
I'm just tired of your ways
I want it all to break apart
And for you to go away

I had to plant my feet
So not to hold your hand
Things are hectic Oh so hectic

So why spend time if all I feel is sorry
That can't be want you want

Turn the picture face down and leave
Pretend it never happened
What ever works for you
Baby I'm through.

Pattybill, age 56

Advice for Alice

A spider

Leads you to a rabbit hole

With

Slippery slopes.

Once inside,

You surrender.

Daddy Darkness

Seduces you;

You fall

In Love.

He doesn’t

Take care

Of you.

You eat potato chips & onion dip for dinner, wear dirty pajamas and push greasy hair out of your eyes. Your mail resembles the Leaning Tower of Piza. Your bed stinks.

Find the window.

There is a sign.

Stop.

You worry about what everything means and the duplicity of words.

Stop.

Trust me.

I’ve been there &

I got out

Fifth batch of entries to the poetry contest!

Here's the fifth batch of entries to the poetry contest. Check back next week for the final submissions! Read about the guidelines and the prizes here.
Don't forget to submit your poem by 4/26.

Nafeesah Haliru, age 17
BROKEN
In the deepest of tears
With a fearful heart
Uncertainty filling my mind
Bewildered I stood in reality
Searching through memories

In the darkest of nights
Running through memories of lost love
Stumbling on faults and un-answered questions
Aspen was our relationship
Blown away by the wind

Gone are the sunshine
The stars that sparkle in the darkest
Broken in silence is my heart
Flowing through confusions
Your absence taking me slowly

Cold and lonely amidst uncertainty
Shocked by the hard hit of the hands of love
Shaking in fear of lost
Without a tear I kept crying
Forever gone or forever mine?

Un-noticed days turned to nights
Still time kept walking
Passing with each second
Minutes creeping through me
At a standstill was mine

Slow have gone all the music
With my tears dancing to the melodies
Lyrics lancing my heart
Echos of your name filling my head
With an image of you I made a scene

Uncolorful nature have become
Dead are my flowers in August
In lost beauty of the earth I lived
Wishes are all I’ve got
In the silence of my memories I make a life

Ashley Rose, age 16

It hurts so much to remember the past because,

I had a parent to guide me
A mother who once loved me more than the world
That person no longer exists
I wish I didn't have to watch it drift away
I never asked to lose her love
It all just makes me scream
But I've lost my voice
I've lost my strength
Tell me,
Where can I find you?

Felicia Monique, age 41
My Mirror

It may appear that I ...
stopped turning my mirror around
stopped looking at my own face
have it all figured out
am fixed
unbroken
no longer scathed.

Truth is, I can never stop ...
seeking the reason behind the reason
seeing my faults, imperfections, and flaws
hoping for change and growth with each new breath
learning to be courageous in the moment
looking forward to each sunrise and each sunset.

I know ...
the mark has been missed
the stop sign unseen
the mind unconscious
the trust lost.

I spoke from an unhealed heart
forgot the lesson
placed unexpected expectations
turned the mirror away
seeking and seeing you
forgetting about me
my image
my face.

Today ...
my mirror is in its correct place
unblocked
without its shield
turned toward the owner's face.

Anonymous, age 21
Don’t Be Fooled

Wow, who is that girl in the picture?

She looks like the happiest person on earth

Huge smile, glittering eyes, must be

I wish I was happy

Even half as happy

It’s better than nothing, torture, and fear

And look at this one

She has so many friends

They look so close

I wish I had friends

Yeah I know people

But they just put up with me

And they don’t even really know me

Acquaintances not friends

Awww, look there she is with a guy

I wonder if it’s her boyfriend

She must have guys chasing her all the time

I wish guys liked me

A guy would never want a girl like me

I’m so lonely

There she is posing on the beach with friends

She looks so care free

I want to be free like that

But I’m trapped by my problems…

And who I am

One last photo of what appears to be the happiest girl on earth

I wish I could recognize her

“Hey you, do you know who this is?”

“Don’t be silly, that’s you…

From yesterday”

Allie Marie Birch, age 14
White Rose

My heart is gray, but it still beats with a white rose laced between my fingertips.

It wraps around my heart as the petals fall into my soul.

As the vines grow my love expands even more.

The thorns sometimes prick but I understand.

The petals whither and decay over time.

They disappear as if they weren't there.

My heart absorbed the color of the petals,

Now its pure white.

But the thorns keep pricking me.

Then I begin to bleed.

My heart turns red.

The deadly vines dissolve and die.
My heart is then alive.
All because of a little,
White Rose...

Fourth batch of entries to the poetry contest!

I've been getting so many submissions that I am posting again this week!

Here's the fourth batch of entries to the poetry contest. Check back next Monday for more! Submit your poem by 4/26. Read the guidelines here.

Ellie H. (aka "EO"), age 34
Sadness, overwhelming
Anxiety, devastating
Plans, have no meaning
Decisions, always questioning
Purpose, always wondering
Meaning, never knowing
People, never trusting
Self, always doubting
Depression, never ending.

Sandra Ogle, age 29
American Scene 23
As it would be known, she was not only alive in her own right;
she was basically all life on earth, including mine.
She was much more vivid to the average person
than I was. Around her, it became hard to breathe.
How does she roll? All the way to the top.
Nothing will be as detailed and compact as it was then,
on the days when I pulled the bark off the cedar tree
in long, curled strips and piled it into loose stacks;
one strong, clear vision.

I took the bark that made others sneeze and drew it near to me.
I took a lost sense of smell and reflected on misunderstandings.
I took the words she said and made my own ideas out of them.

What was hoped for has now passed though, and
in place of avid attention toward what could be, I have these
dried stacks of bark, itchy eyes, and mild headaches.
How does she roll?

Carol Linton, age 38
SLASHED
The blood has congealed
No longer running like a river
No longer spurting like a fountain
It is still, hardened,
Like a ruby a - shining
I cover it up, no longer exposed
To the elements of the world
That would enter and fester
Turn from red to green
Don't want it to be seen

The seamstress sews a beautiful stitch
Straight lined perfection
Now all that is left
Is my imperfection
Of how I will always
be remembered of
How lucky I am
To be alive

Grant-Grey Guda, age 20
Epoch of Love
There will be virtue,
Virtue seen so pure,
Pure virtue forever,
In epoch within time,
Time so close and near,
Near to heart and soul,
Soul that seems lost,
Lost in hate eternally,
Eternally in bane stuck,
Stuck for now at least,
There will be an epoch,
An epoch with peace,
Peace so needed forever,
There will be a time,
A time of love powerful,
Love so infinitely caring,
There will be an age,
An age for the hurting,
The hurting will find,
Find that which is sought,
They will find peace,
Arms shall be discovered,
Discovered in that time,
Arms for caring protection,
That time will be wonderful,
We will live without pain,
All will be happiness,
Happiness within that place,
That place of new pure Eden.

William F Dunn IV, age 29
He was on firm ground.
A sudden mass formed from beneath and rose. He was at the top. A bright future all around is what he saw. A rush of joy, and hope is what he felt.
His love pulsated for where he was and for the peak that provided this place he thought he'd never be.
Overcome by his feelings, he lost sight; lost hi...s footing. He slipped. He fell swiftly towards the now rocky bottom of where he once stood. His mind flooded with how things went awry as he faced the approaching, rocky base. An unexpected branch caught him.
He struggled, not wanting to be where he was before.
He yearned to be on top again, knowing there may be a cumbersome ascent ahead.
What came to him naturally, he will now work diligently to earn what once came to him.
"Fortune favors the bold", and he will climb boldly to regain what he cherishes, this peak, with the mental tools he accumulated during his fall.

Maryann H., age 20
Skin Deep
My mom falls back a few steps
to match my pace,
and we continue walking on
side by side
in silence.
She reaches for my hand
and I let her take it,
feeling the gentle caress of her hand
as she runs her finger along the curve
from forefinger to thumb
and back again,
reading the nail marks on my hand
like Braille beneath her fingertips.
She wants to understand
and so do I
as I look down at my hand in hers,
see the bright pink scratches
that I had created,
scattered along the arch of my hand
like fallen needles off an old pine.
She pulls me close
and tells me she has known me my whole life
tells me she has known me for the nine months
before I was born
and that she doesn’t want me
to hurt myself,
that it hurts her too.
I allow myself to fall deeper into her embrace,
fall back into a warm world of
my own heartbeat
and gentle kicks felt from above.
I want to tell her that I’ll be okay,
but instead I close my eyes
and let the world around me be darkness
for a few moments longer.

Third batch of contest entries!

Here's the third batch of entries to the poetry contest. Check back next Monday for more! Submit your poem by 4/26.

Melissa Phillips Martin, age 38
MY JOURNEY
Why is this happening?
What did I do?
Why was I born?

I can't do this
I don't want to be here

Dizzy, scared
Heartbeat
Too much

Normal
I can't be

No one understands
Get out
Take pills
That will fix it!

They walk in my shoes
They know it all

I don't want this journey
I'm scared

Karissa Doll, age 17
Mirrors
My eyes are searching
And they find you
A simple blur in my vision
But it's so much more then that
I reach out
But never close enough to touch
Never close enough to feel
I'm never close enough
The image floats away
The blur is gone
And I'm all alone
Nothing to reach
I can't be let down anymore
Except for the mirror
Another blur
I turned it around
I don't want to be her
I've got nothing left
And she mocks it at me
And as much as I want to
I can't change a thing
I've been tied up and beaten
Into this person called me
And the more I try to change
It's all I can be
And I reach out for help
But the blur went away
And I talk to myself
But I never make sense
And my problems are here
And they're going unsolved
And my mind works so fast
But it won't get involved
And my heart is still beating
But will I survive
I've been here for so long
I wonder if I'm alive
And people come and go
But they just don't see me
They just don't hear me
They all blur into one
They all let me down
And in the mirror
Is where the blur can be found
So I shatter the glass
It feels good to see it break
Then I realize I'm feeling
So have I finally escaped
And the shattered pieces
All look at me
They try to keep me here
But I just can't stay
And I'm searching this place
Nothing left
Nothing right
I'm just lost in this feeling
That nothing's alright
Then I hear a voice
Or am I just crazy
I go back to the mirror
And she says she wants to save me
She knows I've got nothing
And that I made her cry
And when I'm looking at her
She looks me straight in the eye
Then I wake up
And I know where I am
The light is so bright
From the window I smashed
And though I got out
The feeling won't go away
That the girl in the mirror
Follows me everyday
And I know it sounds crazy
Because I'm the one in the mirror
But this girl's not me
She's something so unclear
And still I see the blurs
They pass me everyday
And again I reach out
But still too far away
And I don't know what to do
I just feel so insane
And asking for help
Is out of the way
And the mirror holds my secrets
Smashed to bits
And they all call me crazy
And it's starting to fit
But how would it not
I speak to my mirror
And the words she speaks back
I don't want to hear
And my mind is racing
I'm feeling sky high
And somebody's dropped me
So how long 'til I die?

James William Cowan, age 21
I wake to the smell of rain
Each one dies in vain

The cement has no need
For the water that feeds

R. Saxby, age 35
Insecure
standing like a smudged sullen statue
scrutinizing my broken reflection momentary glancing back
is this how people see me as well?
i analyze, i criticize, i close my eyes
contaminating myself with negativity
like a cold shroud clinging to my skin
hands finger tipping face to torso
recoiling away as I disperse into fragments

Libby, age 20
Rest in Peace
Little girl there's no need to fear
I'm going to heal from these horrifying years
but in order for me to move forward
you have to listen to these words with courage
the abuse was not your fault
there was no way for you to scream for help

Little girl I need you to understand
he can no longer hurt you with the touch of his hand
he's far away from you
I know what he did makes you feel very, very blue
but a better life awaits
so you can stop planning your escape

Little girl you have to stop blaming yourself
it's okay to let go and get up
you don't need to haunt me anymore
I'm dealing with your memories hard core
one day I'll sew up these broken wings
so let go of all your hatred and be free

Little girl you have to stop playing your tricks
you're holding me hostage at the wrists
you have to let go for good this time
so I can get myself together and be fine
you have to stop pretending you're okay
our paths have crossed and I know you're in a broken state

Little girl it's not too late
our soul can come back from the grave
but your shadow is holding me back
I need you to lay down and relax
I promise this nightmare will come to an end
I'm no longer afraid of myself or him

Little girl I'm not trying to forget you
you've done an incredible job holding on to this as I grew
so lay down your head and rest
I'm going to take this painful load off your chest
the healing is coming but not in one piece
but don't worry, I promise it's coming please believe

Little girl it's time for you to rest in peace
so put the past behind you and breathe
go back and play on the swing
remember the days before you had broken wings
we may never get justice for this crime
but finally, you can now rest until the end of time

Kina Nicole, age 17

Neither my flesh nor my bones seek truth through this pain
Deceit seeps through my pores and a shield is maintained
Keloids obscure the voice that you strain
The only things that are real cannot be explained
The clock that you watch ticks different than mine
A face with no numbers cannot tell the time
Past, present, or future were never assigned
A moment lived forever, in the absence of mind
Maggots will creep, spiders may crawl
Lashes locked tight, I cannot see them at all
Empires of imagination are built strong and tall
On my sore tippy toes I barely see over the wall
What stands beyond my sight is something unknown
The option to take flight is an option postponed
Everything within these walls I can call for my own
So I’ll continue to waste away in silence, alone