Sunday, December 6, 2009

"I have been fighting this, whatever this is, for the past four years."

DEAD, age 15. Virgina.

And recently I have gained a friend who has been able to talk me through situations that I would other wise not be able to get through. We were chatting over email one Sunday and the topic of my Tokio Hotel Fan Fiction novel came up. The story here starts when my friend asks me, regarding another fan fiction I am writing and it's main character, “Was Ananya from The Pain Of Love based off you?”

My answer, “Yes, Ananya was based off of me. Her character in the most simplest form was based off of me. Of course i changed her name and her love for her family that died, was something i wish i had: the love for my family. Not the dying part of her family though.

“Tokio Hotel is portrayed in TPOL in the same manner of importance in Ananya's life that Green Day has played in mine. I was literally, a day away from suicide. i take that back HOURS away from suicide. We were in Everett Washington. we were headed for Seattle and i knew we were going to take a cruise around the Seattle harbor. i had planned and set my heart might mind and soul on jumping off the front end of the ship while it was moving.

“i got in the car and i asked my sister for a CD to listen to in my Walkman. she handed me this disk and said, 'skip track two' i put it in and heard "Don't Wanna Be An American Idiot." sung by Billie Joe Armstrong. i listened to the entire American Idiot CD over twice before we got to Seattle.

“And i am here today. Bill saving Ananya from suicide in TPOL is like Green Day saving me from my own death Then there are the fictional points of Ananya that i added to make her seem less like me and more like a made up figure.”

Her reply was “You know, something told me that it was you. I'm not really sure how or why. Maybe Ananya's character just had more depth and so much more emotion poured into her than Summer, even though the writing style is the same and everything. It must've been a little nerve wracking to do that... basically expose yourself like that even though people don't know that it is you.”

“Well yes and no because Ananya is shrouded by Tokio Hotel instead of Green Day, and Bill instead of Billie, i think it is easier to write for her and i mean as her story progresses, she becomes a lot less like me and more like, well Ananya.

“She becomes more of her own person her on entity her own character and personality forms and it becomes less prominent that she is based off of me. but Ananya does take after me in one more major thing that i can think of off the top of my head She didn't attempt suicide, her Second personality did see, i am Bipolar and times i think that i have bi personality that is really where Ananya splits from being a hidden me to being her own person”

This lead to the discussion of multiple personality disorder. By the end of the chat, my friend has put my on terms where I know who these people in my head are. Billie and June. Billie is this punk ass girl who doesn't take shit from the world. June is this religious girl who is loosing the fight against Billie. And then there is me, the girl the host body, trying to keep from going insane.

I would just like to say, I would not have been able to sit here and write this if it wasn't for her.

Friends are a nice thing...

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