Monday, September 27, 2010
"She colored her world outside the lines."
[I found her in the midst of my struggle] :
“She smiled, I smiled. Her eyes wondered where mine once strayed, and her feet stepped where mine once stumbled. I watched as she made believe, tarring up pretty little pictures into tiny little pieces, cleaning up the mess she made. I saw her gentle smile as she colored her world outside the lines, unafraid of getting hurt, yet maybe a little too wreckless and flawed. As she starred at the image in disbelief, I recognized the pain behind her eyes as she started to believe the lies that she was not enough. I always knew she was just a little bit too much like me. If I could tell her one thing, it would be to be beautiful just the way she is.”
"This tunnel has been dark but you showed me light."
Song: Road to Recovery
I felt good today
I haven't felt like this in awhile
You were walking with me
You have a way of making me smile
(Chorus:)
We've been on this road together
It's been a long journey
But you've held my hand this whole time
On this road to recovery
I don't know what I'd do without you
You've saved my life
This tunnel has been dark but you showed me light
And stayed by my side
(Repeat Chorus)
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
"The silence was too thick to be cut. Too hollow to be filled."
Jamie Lynn Cox
I had a dream last night
That I boarded a train
To nowhere in particular
But I was not alone
There were several people there
Just as bewildered as I
All were dressed in thin clothing
And shivering
Ill-prepared for the cold climate
There were no tickets
No assigned seating
No listed destinations
It was as if it were a one-way train
That would sleepily continue into the infinite darkness of night
The silence was too thick to be cut
Too hollow to be filled
I stumbled to my seat
Trying to recall where I was and why
Suddenly I spotted part of a name tag on one of the passengers
Shamefully trying to hide it in the breast of their coat so I couldn’t read it
I realized that every nameless person had one
Whether or not they knew about it
I frantically searched for mine to no avail
I wanted to know who I was!
There was a drunken vagrant sleeping in the back
Who reeked of his own piss and filth
I didn’t want to touch him
But I had to get closer
I had to know his name
I saw the rectangular sticker displayed right on his chest
As if he didn’t realize it was there
Or as if he didn’t care to hide it
His name was Responsibility
And I was in disbelief
How could Responsibility just let himself go like that?
As my search progressed
I discovered a name for everyone
Worry sat in the front row
Rocking back and forth next to Fear
Who held his head in his hands
Beauty’s makeup was smeared across her face
She was crying
She stared relentlessly into the dark windows
Trying to get a glimpse of her reflection
Hope was an elderly man
I’d assumed he’d been riding the same train for a very long time
Patiently waiting for the train to stop rolling so he could get off
He wore a smile
The only one I’ve seen yet
There was one girl who never looked at me
She just gazed towards the front of the train
Lacking the curiosity of everyone else
I approached her
Touched her cheek
And turned her face to mine
Her eyes were blue and clouded
She reached out awkwardly
To find my hand, I assume
Across her hand I found the name tag
Hello, my name is Blind
I sympathetically held her hand
And wondered if she knew her name
Though she couldn’t read her identifying label
Without locating my own,
I still didn’t know what to call myself
She cuddled up to my arm affectionately
So beautiful was she
Like an angel
I instantly grew close to her
As I watched her snuggle into my side
I saw my name tag across my shoulder!
I read it and a wave of guilt washed over me
My name was Sorry
I realized then and there
Through the silence that could not be broken
There was no way for me to introduce myself to Blind
I realized then and there
The warmth of our embrace would be the only communication her and I could ever share
I awoke and cried.
How would she feel if she knew she was cuddling next to a person with a name like mine?
I felt like Liar, taking advantage of that sweet girl
Someone like Trust should have held her
Not me
I wish there was a way for her to have known the truth
I wish there was a way I could have told her
I never wanted to hurt her
For all she knew, I could have been Love riding next to her
A person worthy of such compassion
She held my arm without ever questioning who she was holding
She just did it because I was there
Whatever I was
She didn’t care
She held my arm tightly
Scared
And clinging to the only person she knew
Unfortunately
I was Sorry
And she’d never know it.